I don't jump in the puddles anymore
I stand on the fringes , stick my big toe in and shudder at the chill
the fear, the danger, the inconveince of wet socks
I don't dream anymore
Jump under cover, quickly press my eyes shut, a quick prayer that tomorrow will be
better,that tommorow will be new , before thoughts steal precious sleep...
I don't watch anymore
I follow the cracks and lines in the sidewalks and streets to my final destination ,
from fear of being found out, from other seeing through the fasade..
I dont twirl my hair anymore
keep hands down , draw no attention to me
I dont speak anymore
I silenty stand by , voice gets caught in the nets of timidity , clogged up in the back of my throat
I cant see anymore
Struggle for perspective , mountains block much needed light, wanting to fly
I keep trying ,
and I keep falling ........

okay , okay so i have another blog , i admit.

http://createwithfingertips.blogspot.com/

it wont happen again.
i apologize. ;)

So thus starts another semester...
another semester studying the visible reflections of the holiness of God (that being his glory....)

thanks for the perspective ryan



oh yeah im a biology major ;)

True Narcissist I Be 

So I got a new digital camera for Christmas
And i Jsut spent at least 30 min. taking pictures of myself in the bathroom
Vain much?
I know see where the battle will lie with my new gadget.
How will I not get swept into the "post as many pictures of my cool life and me looking hot online craze" ? ( a mouthful)
The create an admirable potrait of my self , im happy cant you tell, huh?
Now persons ive never really met or know, comment on the level of my coolness
So i can feel good about my self
Because a true narcissit I be
consumed with my reflection in the eues of others.
Oh, what do you think of me?
Could you please ascribe me some sense of worth?
Acclaim ?
Acceptance?
With your shorten words , jumbeld letters oh would you , could you , anyone , someone?
sigh......
I am weary of this game.
And do we not all play it?
Through some means, yes.
And I dont know what hurting worse
my pride for admitting this
or my fear of imperfection .
But, oh what photons of light reflecting of glass fail to capture.
What nanochips and wires and cords and cold screens fail to display.
The truth through these means can never be displayed.
For i am not as simple and as compiled interest and profile lists.
Not as shallow as state your hopes, dreams , occupation , height , and job.
And my beauty cant be captrued in photographs of me only smiling
fasades
only a fasade
see me crying
when i first wake up
when i am mourning
or angry .

I wish through some means i could take pictures of my soul, once dark , but now glimmers of light continually bursting through.
I wish somehow the structured words i type on this page would come alive, and you could feel what they truly mean ,
maybe who i truly am.
i apolgize now, i must go.............................................
.................................................................vulnerable..........