AHHHHHHHH poo on BOundaries!! POOO that i keep on FAILInG. pooo.pooo.pooo.DUrnit that i need them . DAngit that i dont have them . but hallelujah God is building them. But crap-it this HURTS. a whole lOT. ARGGG. pooo. and all those words of frustratioN. this is not easy. blah .

ovehearing conversations of my hallmates , saying , what do you want , he's always cheated on you , thats the way life is deal with it. he's always cheated on you. id rather lie to you then you be upset. i told you where he was . then you shouldnt want to be with him still .you know he cheated on you , so why do you want to be with him still . i know you dont understand......and it conitnues. and your creations are stuck . chasing , searching , dying , in sin , without you , they are lost , on a hunt for that thing, that something that will fill that hole, but its You . God. trapped behind this lie , this veil , this deceit of satan . he has blinded your love , your power, the work on the cross, who you are . with religioN.arrgggggggggg im ticked...

arrgsffdsfdksfs;adlkfsadlkfjsldkfjlwwlhalktrljhappens dfafjdjflkwhnedafdafasdfakfwekbniwkrwejfroiewajroewirjowejroeiwjroeiwhrowehroeihrowehroewrhowreiwroewihwoihrwoeihriwerowrorhowehroweirhwoihroiethis is how i feel my words all jumbledt rying to find a way out of my heart how do you express your spirit what words can contain it . what words could be deep enough to explain it things like eternal longing , things like your deep love and thoughts my great longing , how do i express these realitys . and sometimes no words even come just an hovering silence , waiting , wanting, more than what ive got here, longing wanting , something , come fill me.

this might seem harsh, but @ church Robert talked on how we mock the cross as christians and this world all the time by belittling the work , by it not being enough for us ,its like a pinata were poking at it for more, more, cant we see , everything was accomplished on the cross. as Jesus said..."It is finished"......

I saw me throwing stones, me the one who nailed your hand
me the one who spit , me .
in front of the cross, looking at you and not believing.
not recieving it was enough.
me. a product of this culture.
me.biting the apple.
me falling from you .
me turning away.relying on me
spitting, the whip in my hand.
time & time again.
saying youre not enough
I need more, more
because i am blind , my wisdom has failed me.
futiLe.
NOt TrusTing .stiLl striving.still stRiving.
heaRt hardened.
Claiming to love You & know YOu .
but Loudly proclaiming with the rest of the world.
You are NOt enouGh.
The suffering was not enough.
more . more . beat him again .
hardening my heart.
blind to the power of your blood.
so i want you to cracK this sheLl , ive formed.
the cRoss was , is , enOugh for this WorLd.
for this giRl.
for every nation.every tribe. geNeraTion.
for our sins. our needs. our love.
the croSs. your bloOD.
Let it be enoUgh for me.