It's odd that it is always at times when i should be sleeping
i end up blogging
it seems i am more prone to be pensive at 1am in the morning
as my mind drifts
so now as i sit here so many things fly around in my mind
lately i have been musing on things God have been teaching me
of late the cruciformity of love..
ive been thinking about writing a poem apologizing to love
for the way we have defamed its honour and its name
its worth , the truth of love.
i want to do it but i dont know where to start , so much to say.
but ive been learning lately love is def. not a feeling , and never to be confused with lust.
That to love is as much a choice of the will as any thing God has called us to be obedient to .
I am taking a class studying the writings of Paul and we are reading a book by Michael Gorman
called the "Apostle of the Crucified Lord" here is an excerpt on the chapter looking at Paul's theology: "Love has a very specific meaning for Paul-conformity to the pattern of Christ's self-giving , sacrificial love on the cross: "who loved me by giving himself for me (gal. 2:20) .Love therefore less a feeling than an action. Negatively love does not "insist on its own way" or "seek its own interest".In effect love is the edification of the other. It is the gift of self to others, the willingness to "spend and be spent" for them .
This is where i struggle. The fear of the giving oneself over totally in love. In vulnerability in transperancy . Then that means that pain and suffering is inevitable .For men are unstable and unfaithful and we are not to put our hope , faith nor trust in them .
In the light of the unity of marriage how does one handle this?
how is one free from fear , of giving their self wholly to another, to unite, to become one.
This unerves me ,but i long to give love whole-heartedly , to serve another ,
for i would rather give love freely and fully , rather than to hide love out of fear.
For hidden love hurts as well .
well... i should be off .
i pray the LOVe would show me his ways.
-night to all-
-pressing on -
rachel.